The Vineyard

uhhhuuu.........and im supposed to stop? with tha "haterism". yea right! this is so much fun!

If only oasze were here.

Then we'd post 200 in one day instead of just around 100 on Thursday.

I know! Everybody wud be most excelllent theophilous!

Quizzingchik, here is more theology for you. Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benifit those who listen."
Proverbs 11:12 "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue."
Proverbs 12:18 "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
Proverbs 11:17 "A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself."
Proverbs 14:3 "A fool's talk brings a rod to his back, but the lips of the wise protect them."
Proverbs 10:19 "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise."
James 3:6-12 "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
And finally James 4:17 "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins."

This is all to say that all that haterism is sin.

LISTEN UP!
I believe Chinua is trying to make a point. So, I will say this as nicely as possible.....
SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO IT!
OK, go on with your lives.

Chinua! Y+U really can not talk! At least Im not standing for a pres who is morally corrupt! All bcause he helps ppl. I thought u were on Gods side? And were having fun! Did we offend u? We werent talking to u. So r u gonna do this in real life everytime a person on the street makes a joke? Tyna show me up and make me shut up! Well i tell u im only gunna speak louder! Cause God also judges by that heart! And HE knows my heart so it doesnt matter what U SAY CAUSE UR NOT GOD!!!!! Where is all the decency in this world!? Focus on urself b4 u look at me!Ill bring in sum scriptures about witchcraft k?

If you would read that again...

~QuizzingChik~ wrote:Chinua! Y+U really can not talk! At least Im not standing for a pres who is morally corrupt! All bcause he helps ppl. I thought u were on Gods side? And were having fun! Did we offend u? We werent talking to u. So r u gonna do this in real life everytime a person on the street makes a joke? Tyna show me up and make me shut up! Well i tell u im only gunna speak louder! Cause God also judges by that heart! And HE knows my heart so it doesnt matter what U SAY CAUSE UR NOT GOD!!!!! Where is all the decency in this world!? Focus on urself b4 u look at me!Ill bring in sum scriptures about witchcraft k?

It's kind of hard to remember on a forum, since you arn't looking at the people you are talking to, but you are talking to real people sitting in front of their computer when you post. Always give yourself this test: would you say what you are typing to their faces? I had to do this when commenting on how people over decorate their posts. I would write my post commenting, then rewrote it because I wouldn't really say that to the people I know and love in Bible quizzing. I used the term "forum noobs" and that's what I would say to your faces, because I'm not meaning that in a bad way, and it really just means you're new to forums.

Christina, I know you, so I know that this is not really something you would say. To me, it really sounded insulting. Thus, I must atribute it to the trap that many, many people fall into. You don't really see the people you're talking to as other people somewhere else looking at their own computer screen, so it's really easy to say things you don't mean.

I would just like to warn everyone to watch out for this. Make sure what you say on here you would be just as ready to say to their face.

Kay! uR RIGHT IM SORRY! But id like him to apologize also for being so condescending! Always naming sumthing that Im not doing right. I am not a mean person but i really get upset when people who are my equal looik down on me with a high and mighty attitude. Id delete it if I could but i cant. There is no x on it.

Some thing else about the computer is that it's harder to tell a person's motivation or attitude when posting. But just like I knew you wouldn't really say what you posted, I know Chinua wouldn't point out what people do wrong just because he likes correcting them. I don't think he was being mean or rude or condesending. In real life he could even be joking, you can't truely tell on a computer.

But I think he makes a point. People (everyone, including me) need to watch what they say, and especially on a computer. What you say really does have an impact on people.

Something I heard once, was that if a person hears "You are so stupid," even in a joking way, every day for long periods of time, their intelectual ability actually goes down. Even if the person knows the other is joking, and knows that it's not really true.

I think Chinua was just using Biblical references to say just this. I don't think he was trying to be rude.

P.S. THAT, my friends, is the TRUE reason for Emoticons! To avoid misunderstandings with the attitude of posts. Not for creating overly gaudy posts!

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled and he who humbles willl be exalted." Luke 14:11

Also though I'd like to point out that if an individul constantly is pointing out wrongs they can turn their friends off. I also established that I was joking with RJ I said "Boi you know we love you" in another thread or this one. There are some people that u can just play with like that. U just have to establish what u mean and know that person. I would never call a person stupid because that is just to far. It would also make me look stupid since he's like ahead two grades (dont let that get to ur head chinua! )

When I was on facebook my friends would sumtimes make really out there posts! I would only voice my opinion if it was extreme. But Iwouldn't go and bring in scripture about posting certain vids or anything I would just pray for them and every once in a while say something subtle like "Lets change the subject" or I'd change the subject. But if u and the individual know each other well and know what to say and how to let each other know that u luv each other, it is perfectly ok to joke like that.

I'm not saying you'd call someone else stupid (infact it'd surprise me if you ever did) or anything like that. I think he was just pointing out that what you say can have implication beyond what you think.

Might I also point out that RJ in another thread asks why people think he's joking when he says to stop the "haterism."

But he also acts "mean" to obasi. but obasi doesnt care. Also i go to class with rj and he looks depressed there. But when he's other places he's not that way. He really isnt serious. He just acts strange sumtimes! And so far Jessica and I have not been being hateful. We have been just playin with each other (obasi, rj, me and jessica) chinua just went about it the wrong way. especially saying stuff like "trying to be sumone ur not" and "this is all to say that haterism is a sin." U have to be carefull how u make a point that u dont sound condescending. He apparently needs to get to know me better. Im one of those people who don't blow easily but when I do blow I BLOW! And I have dealt with people who are condescending and I despise the way it makes me feel. I also know that people hate being looked down upoun. Being condescending is just one of my pet peeves!

~QuizzingChik~ wrote:Kay! uR RIGHT IM SORRY! But id like him to apologize also for being so condescending! Always naming sumthing that Im not doing right. I am not a mean person but i really get upset when people who are my equal looik down on me with a high and mighty attitude. Id delete it if I could but i cant. There is no x on it.

Christina, I want to apologize if I sounded condescending. That was not my intention at all. I was really trying to attack the act, not you. I do not believe myself to be better than you, in fact, if you ever see me doing something that you think is directly against the Bible, then I would love for you to confront me about it (I will try to have a comprehensive direct conversation with you about my political believes and how they fit in with my spiritual beliefs). This is to be in line with Galatians 6:1, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted." I do not take "you who are spiritual" to mean you who are more spiritual than that person, but anyone who is a Christian. I probably did go about it wrong by saying that on the forum before I talked directly to you, and I am sorry for that as well.

The problem is that I have just seen many times when someone is genuinely hurt by people jokingly saying mean things about them, but not having the courage to speak up against it. Because of this, when I see someone make such jokes past a certain extent, I feel that it is my responsibility as a Christian to try to speak up for them. I believe that it hurts because, deep down, people do see it as it says in Matthew 12:34b "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." In this case, RJ actually articulated his problem and asked for you to stop. The fact that you did not listen to him when he was strongly saying that he had problems with it meant to me that a simple talk about the issue would not be strong enough. I felt that this meant that you would only respond to Scripture. I was taught that when a spiritual lesson is to be taught, using direct Scripture is the best way to do this. As I did so, I probably should have explained that I did not mean to criticize you, but to show scripture that defends RJ's ask for you to stop talking about him that way. My post was also not only about you. I intended to say it for all to be able to hear the point. I just spoke about you specifically because you are the one that RJ was talking about the most. However, I personally believe that all of that talk is sin, and that even I am guilty of it at times. Ideally we could have a forum where none of that type of talk is involved. That would make it good for all. I just can't sit back if I see someone being hurt in some way.

Once again, I am sorry that I seemed to attack you. But I hope that you listen to what Jennifer, Jessica, and I are saying.

What did Rachel and jessica say? She was with me when I was talking to rj. Surely she knows her bro bettter than any of us. I also know that God sends certain people into our lives for diff purposes. He sends annoying people into my lives to help me deal with self control. In this world life is going to tell u to suck it up. Osaze is way more outspoken and rj has no problem with him. My whole side of the family on my dads side kokes about each other a lot. They are always sayin something. But u also have to learn to lighten up and laugh at urself. When I say obasi is crazy he knows im not serious! I absoulutely LOVE my lil bro and would knock sumone out for him. He could say im hurt and not even mean it. U reallly have to learn how to not be so serious and be discerning at the same time. U MUST have tough skin in this world. Rj shouldnt be so picky and only be hurt when I say sumthing but when his guy friends say something he laughs at it. U cant have to faces. Its confusing.

This is what i said to rj "aawwwww u knos we luvs u bruh! all touchy! GOSH!!!" He's my friend. He is just being difficult cause he can!

The problem is that some things said hurt more than others for some people. Maybe you touched something that had more weight to RJ than Osaze usually does. The other thing to note is the setting and how it is perceived. When Osaze does it, it is usually to RJ's face and is obvious by body language and the tone that he is just joking. Online it can seem like you are talking to a group instead of to his face, and since he is not on as much, he may not feel that he can defend himself. Also, there is no body language or a true sense of tone. So what you say can sound harsher than you intended. However, we cannot always know how something will be taken. For this reason I personally try to stay away from all of that kind of talk in general. However, you can talk like that, as long as you are receptive to when it has gone too far. Obviously RJ thought that it has gone too far, so it is you obligation at this point to respect him and stop. Because you didn't, it really makes it seem like you are actually trying to hurt him. That is why I came off so strong. If you really are just doing it for fun, make sure that all are having fun with it. If someone feels attacked, you need to pull back.

ps I meant Jennifer

I see what u r saying but on facebook osaze would say sum things that seemed mean and rj wouldnt care. ur the only one that thought this way and said sumthing besides rj. Apparently no one thought it was just slaughteringingly horrible. RJ is not emotionally beaten up. Be careful how u interject and instuct people it may be taken harder than you think. And I believe u should have sent rj a pm b4 u defended him like that. I voiced to rj that i was playing. I think he understands. U came at a weird time and I dont think u fullt understood. Rj has one of the biggest mouths and im ok with that. But just ask b4 trying to defend. u also have to know the relationship between the two people. Jessica knows her bro and would have sent me a pm on stopping the "haterism" she truly knows her bro so i think she would know. she never said anything until u said something. Also rj still kept coming on and would "offend" obasi and me at times and id "offend" him but hed be o.k. U really have to know a person before interjecting.

I am not trying to say that RJ is "emotionally beaten up." I am just saying that for some reason he is asking you to stop talking about him that way. He may not have said specifically to me that he wanted me to talk about this, but he said 13 times that he wants you to stop. When you ignored him, he said that he was doing his best to avoid lashing out. Because he made it clear that he did not want it go go further and that he was being tempted to attack, but he held his control, I took that to mean that he would like some help in getting you to stop. If he told me at anytime after I asked you to stop, I would have given it up. However, he instead decided to back me up when you attacked my avatar. This meant to me that he had no problem with me going further. Now I will ask him to also hold back on it, but because he was the only one who complained, you had more of a responsibility to listen. So I went further with you about this. And I am asking you to stop talking people down.

I don't talk PEOPLE down. I also was joking with rj! I really don't know how you don't get that. Rj was not helpless. Ur acting like ur my parent. "U have a responsibility" PLease. There is a difference in joking and simply attacking. He just defended u cause u r his friend. Maybe u have been attacked and just think this way. I meant know harm to rj and I believe that he knows this. I will not quit having fun. And I say this loud and clear "If I am bothering u or hurting u tell me! I wont bite." Everyone should do this. If a friend is bothering u just tell them. They will understand if they are a friend. Some people however may have been hurt like u im suspecting bcause u take everything so seriously. U reall must live in a sheltered world. It is ur responsibility to be considerate and not to sound like a grownup and start lecturing. U wont get anywhere like that. And me and jessica were talking to rj. Again I say jessica would have said sumthing since she lives with him and hears his complaints. However she said nothing. Ur just sensitive and are making a mountain out of mole.

It's perfectly fine to have fun and tease each other, but you need to be aware that there is a line where it stops being fun for some people. The point of my calling someone stupid example was to show that even if the teasee knows that the teaser is joking, it can still affect them, especially when it gets to that line where it stops being fun. Some people may not even tell you, because they know you're joking, but it still makes them uncomfortable.

As Chinua and I have said, this is even more so on the computer. Due to lack of tone and sense of attitude, words can seem more direct. The longer you deal with people on the computer, the more you realize this, and the better you get at making your tone apparent with use of punctuation, bolds, underlines, etc. But you still have to be careful when directly teasing someone.

I understand that you were joking, and it's fine to play and have fun with people, as long as you keep in mind that some people may reach their uncomfortable line before you would; it may stop being fun even though they know you're kidding. So watch what you say, and be sure that everyone is having fun!

Maybe I'll just go since everybody can't seem to get over it. Its done. Know one seems to be addressing chinua. How come? Its always christina u shud etc. I am tired of all this ganging up cause u guys arent playing!

Could we just forget about it and pretend we have lives if we dont? I mean gosh!

Hey, everybody. I have an idea. Maybe we should all just stop talking abut this and 1) Use emoticons to show that you are joking. 2) Think about how you would feel if what you are about to say was said to you. 3) Figure out if you would say this to the persons face. and finally, 4) Remember to have fun!

Do all this before you post anything that is talking about someone, joking or not. Well, that's what I have gathered from this conversation. Oh and, Chinua, try to use emoticons and joke a little more to not seem so condescending. I agreed with Christina about that.

Now let's all forgive and forget and have some nice, clean fun on this Forum.